Why I stopped writing

I would love to start this by giving some brilliant reason for why I stopped writing over the last 12 months. But I don’t have one. I just stopped.

Sure I can list a million things I spent my time doing that didn’t include writing and that because I did those things, I didn’t get round to writing, but that’s lazy and doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. The simple truth is, I stopped and I didn’t think about it again. It was not a priority, clearly, and that makes me a bit sad.

But all this got me wondering. Why do we simply stop doing things. I’m sure you can relate. What thing that you were once doing, did you at some point just stop doing, perhaps without ever thinking about it? It was not a conscious decision. It just happened.

I’ve discovered that in the past year I’ve definitely spent less time documenting my life both visually and in words. Lived experiences have somehow not spurred me on to write about them. Not because they were boring, lacked excitement or weren’t worth sharing, but perhaps because in living those experiences more fully, the urge to document them fell away.

But I’m looking for some kind of missing ingredient. The little something that explains all this. Why would I stop doing something that I know I enjoy doing, as if it needs an explanation or was the effect of some cause. But I feel therein lies some truth. Some things, some desires, some hobbies serve a purpose, some don’t. But sometimes that purpose can be linked to a particular season in your life, providing a much needed release for a specific time. As life goes on and seasons change, so can those certain things we do that brought us joy.

Does the person I was a year ago want the same things now as then? This is something I suspect I’ll be pondering for some time to come.

So how does this all link to film making. The ever constant balance of experiencing and documenting. Filming bits and pieces here, having a big idea there - all of it with some bigger intention, and then it just sits there on a hard drive never to be seen again. A lot of that has happened over the past year, in between all the client projects. Perhaps some of it will still hit the web, perhaps not. I’ve found not everything that started, must be completed. Completion does not always equal success. It’s the process and the creativity of a moment that has far more power in the development of the mind as a creative but also simply as a person.

So maybe this piece is just an effort to keep the wheels turning on my journal, to give the world some impression that my life is continuing and that I still care, both of which are true. Or maybe a new season has begun and something that stopped will just as simply start again - not with prejudice, expectation or judgement. Just to let it be. Let’ see.